jeremiah 1:5

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.”

That is a verse featured on Compassion International's page for its Child Survival Program. Although I've known about Compassion forever and we sponsor a child, I just heard about the Child Survival Program for the first time this afternoon. There are unique ways to give or even just take a minute to pray for mothers around the world. It amazes me the things that I take for granted as a mother.

pigs, doctors & the rest of the world

This past week, I have been OUT. I caught the swine flu I had mocked so much... "Oh, shut up about it! It's just the flu! Why is everyone freaking out about the FLU!?" Eric suggested it was karma, and that he was going to be pretty ticked if my karma got him sick! But I digress...

For the first time in a while, I was face-to-face with our nation's healthcare system. Insurance companies. Doctors. And so on.

I will start by saying that we are extremely blessed by the healthcare options afforded to us by the government. Not only do we have good insurance, but we also have the ability to CHOOSE which insurance company (and even which plan within that company) that we sign on for, depending on our family's needs and what we're willing to pay for insurance wise vs. healthcare wise. We also have the option of having a healthcare flexible spending account, which we do take advantage of. Thank you, U.S. Government, you have done good things for my family! This week, however, I was not wowed by our nation's healthcare system.

I got sick on Monday and by Wednesday it was obvious to Eric that I might want to consider seeing a doctor. Since we just moved to a new area, I didn't have a general physician yet so he went to our insurance company's trusty online tool for finding a doctor in our area.

None of them could see me until December. "But my wife is really sick?!" "Ok... we can't see her until December."

So we ended up going to an urgent care center. Of course, the co-pay for that is $75, as opposed to the $20 I would have paid at the "regular" doctor. I waited, felt guilty for not sanitizing everything I touched, and got in to see the nurse followed by the doctor.

Both asked for my symptoms separately. The doctor was actually reading from the list I'd given to the nurse as I told him and I was slightly nervous that this was actually a test and if I forgot one, I'd be sent back to the waiting room. He did some medical checking me over stuff, confirmed that I had H1N1, expressed that he wished they could get a real read at my temperature (I'd taken tylenol before coming because without tylenol I. could. not. function. at that point) and told me he'd give me Tamiflu. Being of slightly sound mind at the time, I then asked if Tamiflu was safe to take while nursing. The doctor looked confused. Uh oh. I confused the doctor. So, he left the room for a few minutes. He came back and basically told me he didn't know if I could take it while I was nursing so he wasn't going to prescribe it to me. (My husband later sent a facebook message to a high school classmate of ours who is now a pediatrician. She said the Tamiflu would have been fine, that there are even dosing regulations for babies so even if it went into my milk it wouldn't have harmed my nursing infant.) Instead, he was giving me a prescription for an antibiotic that he would like me to NOT fill because I didn't need an antibiotic. But I could have it for just in case. Now that sounds like sound medical advice if I've ever heard it.

I left the office having spent $75 to go back home and continue to sleep, take tylenol, drink fluids, and not fill a prescription. That's what I did and here I am three days later, in one piece and still asserting that H1N1 is just the flu - a really long, achy, feverish, awful flu - but just the flu, all the same.

All of this to say, my experience got me thinking about the healthcare system so many are fighting (and for good reasons - I mean that sincerely) to keep safe. When I look at the excellent insurance that we have and the good doctors who are surely surrounding me then I look at what crap I get out of it sometimes, I think... Could trying something a bit different be SO bad? Then I think of all the people in this country who don't even have any insurance to get crap out of and I think... Could trying something a bit different MAYBE - just MAYBE - do some good? I don't know. Healthcare is really one of those things where I can understand many different sides. I guess I just wish more people would take that approach to it, though, and try to see the other sides of the argument rather than being so set on their side that they can't see logic, reason, or (more importantly) humanity.

reliving my barbie youth

I don't even remember what set me off on this tangent tonight, but I've spent the past half hour googling random Barbie artifacts from my youth. Oh my goodness, there were a ton of things I found that flooded the happy memory pool! So many fun things, like Midge, a super cool pink motor home I had, and then THIS... Anyone else remember this??



I vividly remember getting this for Christmas one year and playing with it non-stop. Apparently it made real ice cream, too, but my mom was smart enough to not show me that part :) I tried telling Eric he should buy me another one for Christmas this year, but he didn't go for it. Sigh...

Ok, one more! I remember my friend having the Barbie Dream House, which was like 3 stories high and this is the house I had...



She may have gotten the dream house, but did she have a REAL street light?? Ha!

my week

Here's what my week is looking like... Tuesday: small group with church friends, Wednesday: MOPS launch at church, Thursday: church outreach event called Fall Fest, Friday: set-up for MOPS yard sale fundraiser at church, Saturday: MOPS yard sale at church, Sunday: working in the nursery at church... notice a pattern?

Although I know it's important to make connections outside church (the whole balance of in the world/of the world), I LOVE getting plugged in. I love the sense of purpose it gives me to be involved, no matter how inconsequential the involvement may seem at times. Something big I learned from finding a church here was that the seemingly inconsequential people around the church sometimes made the biggest impact. I'd been told it a hundred times, but experiencing it was huge. I don't want to forget that.

here, in the middle of ordinary-land

Sometimes it's harder to ask God to help you embrace peace with the mundane than it is to ask Him for courage with the extraordinary. At least for me, it is.

I'm in a very ordinary season of life. I am at home, living the day-to-day happiness that is motherhood. I love it and don't need to be reminded that my job as a mom is important. I am happy with normal, thankful for it. I just can't help but wonder about what else I should be doing, though. Maybe that answer is nothing else, right now. But if it isn't...

autumn in ohio

Autumn was always the one time of year I missed Ohio. I missed cheering for my hometown high school football team. I walked my dog outside at dusk and thought of sitting by a bonfire with a thick sweatshirt and toasted marshmallows. I wanted to drive along a familiar country road, looking at trees full of colorful leaves for as far as you can see.

This year, I have the chance to do all those things. We have already been to one of our high school football games. The kids loved it! My mom is retired but helps out with the high school band so we can take the kids right down by the field. Lexa is mesmerized by the cheerleaders while Abe and Toby stare with wonder at the game and everything around them. We bought a fire pit for the backyard. The five of us had a blast burning hot dogs and making s'mores for dinner. I'm still waiting for the leaves to be at that perfect point of beautiful reds, oranges and yellows, right before they turn brown and fall off the trees.

Could I have found a way to do all these things in Northern Virginia? Yes. But it wouldn't have been the same... I didn't particularly care about Centreville's football team, I can't imagine the fire marshall would have smiled upon a fire pit on the deck of our townhouse, and there's something special about driving down a road where you can't see buildings for miles.

All this wonderful family fall fun combined with making some new friends at small group seems to be just the combination I needed to be slightly less whiney about this whole Ohio thing. So thanks, Autumn, you came just in time :)

my friend & my daughter

My best friend in elementary school was a bit of a free spirit. She announced in second grade that, despite being called this for the past 7 years of her life, she would no longer be Jess. Don't even think about calling her Jess. She was now to be called Jessica and nothing else. When you ticked her off, you knew it. She loved doing artsy stuff. She drew designs all over her brand-name shoes and scribbled out those brand-names her parents had paid so much for. The second she was out of her mother's sight each morning, she shook her hair loose of its neat braids and let it fly in her face. Jessica tested into the gifted program but refused it when the teachers tried to tell her what to do.

I was the opposite. Not only did I follow every direction I was given in my elementary years, I could never imagine taking my pony tail down without my mom, a brush and a mirror. I was always drawn to Jessica, though, and even envious of her way of living life.

As different as we were, we were also inseparable for many years. We lived at each other's houses. Our families vacationed together. We knew every word to Bone Thugs & Harmony's Crossroads. In 7th grade, Jessica was about to fail Science so, despite the fact that I was getting an A, she spent the night at my house on a school night and we spent the entire time doing an extra credit project together so that she'd pass. When the teacher found out that we were friends, she called my mom to tell her that Jessica was a bad influence and my mom should keep me away from her. I guess not everyone shared my love for Jessica's free spirit.

But Jessica was loyal to the end. She would have done anything for me. When I did stupid things, even in high school when we were no longer "friends" she went above and beyond for me when I needed her.

And it hit me today that she reminds me of someone. Reread that first paragraph before you read this next one...

My daughter is a bit of a free spirit. She announced this year that, despite being called this for the past 7 years of her life, she would no longer be Elexa. She is now to be called Lexie. When she's angry or upset, you know it. She loves doing what she calls "projects" and is constantly saving things for her "projects." She traced her name in permanent ink on the personalized Pottery Barn backpack we bought for her. I see a girl with a neat pony tail get on the bus each morning, but the girl who gets off the bus has her hair flying in the wind. Elexa is pretty sure that everything in her life is optional, based on what she thinks is right.

And that is why my beautiful daughter can frustrate the life out of me, the mommy. But me, the person, thinks she is just awesome. I love her. I like her. I'm so glad she's my daughter because she challenges me every day. I'm so glad I know her because, like Jessica, she is loyal and amazing. I can't wait to get to know her even more as she grows up.